Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Remember When...

I used to value sadness. I built it an altar in the highest point of my mind.

"Wasting your unhappiness to focus on putting on the show.

You won't want to remember how it feels to let go."

Restless limbs lying thickly covered, turn and twist, and they can't be still.

The eyes flash open, taking notice of the moving parts.

The assembly of body parts are aware of newly fashioned anxieties....And the thoughts in the head don't know where to go.

The form has an ache and a sour stomach.

But, besides being filled with these three's, well, empty.

"Like the spare change we deny a beggar, not because we're stingy or mean-hearted, but because we don't feel like unbuttoning our coat." -F.Pessoa

"There's an awful lot of inactive kindness which is nothing but laziness, not wanting any trouble, confusion, or effort." - John Steinbeck

"Like stars in the night sky, we shine"..... I'd rather burn out than fade away

I have a great great great aunt named Fallen Star (Maybe we'll have a little history lesson soon[I'm royalty, really].)

Someone can cut me down now.

I don't know, I don't know if we'll have time.

I spent the night at a friends house when I was about ten. She told me I could sprinkle some food in a tank for her goldfish... it was skimming the surface an hour later, I had over-fed it.
Poor little goldfish, you saw so much through a bowl. If I were you I'd have come up for air...But I think you're cute. I am a mermaid! This means I can at least relate to you halfway. We should get together sometime, I'll take you under the sea, out of the way of the sun. Then I will fry you in a little pan on the beach...sizzle sizzle little fishy. I am going to make you nice and crispy.
(A tip about the author : I get in these weird moods where I make creepy jokes, and awkwardly state things that are sinister in an upbeat squeaky voice...this is one of those aforementioned moods)

I have given up on planning things.
And so now I have posts like this....I'm kinda sorry, that I wasted your time.

I saw this movie once, it was about some kids in the 20's, and I mentioned it on here before...but I won't now...and that's for crafty, cryptic reasons. But, I will list a poem related to it.
If you know the film I am talking about I dare you to watch it and not shed a tear.

What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind... -Woodsworth
"Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood":

I have this pair of moccasins, and they need to be washed soon. I thought that I could take them hiking...twenty miles a day. I realize now that they would have worn out before too long, and I am not thinking about moccasins anymore. They really stink. They stink the same way that this yellow shirt I have stinks. It was a brilliant plan! Brilliant.


hehehehe. I'm mean. And, I have too many things that don't belong to me. I don't have enough.
Center of attention. Center of attention.
Creepy, comical mood.
"I'm so pretty, it hurts."
"I don't know, I don't know if we'll have time."
"I'm a H------- and I can take anyone."
I'm going to try and slow down now....
I think I'm funny, and I am not ashamed to be the only one laughing at my jokes. I mean come on, I sang in the middle of the grocery store last week, and my sister hid behind this giant macaroni display... and I didn't stop, that's saying something.

I make jokes at inappropriate times.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

What is left to come?

Hate her, hate her, depsise her. It will make things easier, if she is unloveable.
The tables are rumbling, yes, she is also stumbling, (the world you've built is crumbling[I go down with my ship].) It comes as no surprise. He said she was his friend. She spoke into his eyes "Would you take me somewhere I've never been." He said "I'll take you anywhere as long as you say please, please, please."
"Kiss, kiss on my lips."

They're moving fast. Time cannot be wasted... I recall the statement "I don't believe in the madmade concept of time." Everything changes, fast.

A rush.

The people here (who knows who they are) they're jumping here and there in my head. It is all perfectly contained, we're are all jumping, jumping through hoops. Second rush, Ooh is it my turn? The jumping halts...and a fuzzy screen takes over my head. And I know I need to walk, but there is this foam on the back sides of my mouth, and I can't move until it comes out. "Kiss, kiss, kiss, her lips."


Am I the only one?


I made a friend
Left out to dry
Dresses and let out seams
Keep my word for you
"Say it, say it again."

And the bruises beg to differ

Heavy feet with sores on the sides... burn. They are heading one after the other rapidly down the hill on their own.
Pitter patter pitter patter.
One two one two.
And I fall flat on my face, and my doves pick me up and carry me off to a nest made of newspapers, and burnt papers the size of a stick of gum.
"Parliments have an indented filter for a reason."

I am drawn to the brier patch, no one ever bled to death from a few knicks here and there. Are these the lessons I am to learn?
This is not me, I'd never lose control.

A case of tennis elbow, a bruise on her hip, streaks on her leg, a tree burn on her arm, these signs are to let the poeple know their queen is weak. Her Highness has fallen from the balcony. Under shining mediterranean skies, she coasts along on the back of a swan, and now she lays on Kythira, in the Ionian Sea. "Everyday becomes a little easier, soon enough you'll have the strength to paste on that so-called smile."
I like it, I'm not gonna cry, but only because I already look like death. "Hello, so glad you made the trip out here with me, allow me to escort you to my newest palace, but whatever you do, don't look in that room, it's where I keep the memories of all I've lost."

Oh no...I forget...I've forgotten...I forgot again.

And I'm here cause I didn't have any desire to leave earlier. Must go and be out of the way. The way...which...where is that? I am inept...explain. Plainly. All in all the colors are dull. they are bleeding and blending together, forming a maladjusted gray. Fived colored pictures all in a row.

Madame Guillotine

I'm left standing in the cords.
Stabbing in vain, shards of glass in uneven terrain.
Bleeding to no end, and they tangle.
There are no rewards, it's meaningless words.

She's scared cause I want it all.
Green scenes covering the walls.
Ivory filters, diffused photographs.
Ivy lingers, confused sound, you laugh?

As my palms grew hurt extra bad, it hurt really bad for you.
I wish I could say something that I didn't think before.
Ah regression. Ah aggression.
Sought out misrepresented second opinions.

And I've been asked before...
And maybe I am on the brink of mental illness...because I never learned to distinguish my thoughts from reality and I have been trained to believe that my thoughts aren't real. Maybe everyone else is crazy? Could it be? Please let it be...please? I said the magic word!

And I am displeased that there are so many judges- no choice but to plead insanity.

I'd prefer to set up a noose on my own, if I am so inclined, but I appreciated having it placed upon my neck. (Princesses hate physical exertion.)

It makes me smile, that it's hard to find, something that isn't there. It's hard to breathe, hard to see through these protruding eyelids. If a camel can see past it's eyelashes, or pass through the eye of a needle, maybe I can see through swollen skin.

I'll see them all there, behind the sun. We'll laugh about it one day. In the future when all's well, after the cords are chewed a while.

I wait for the kingdom to be returned to me...I admit I ate cake, I danced at a masquerade, but it wasn't anarchy, nor a demi-brigade.

Drown me in the Seine, before I contribute to the Republic.

Monday, September 28, 2009

1 4 3

On ne pas serieux on dix neuf ans.

Back to the beginning...
I suppose it could be simpler, after all, I was forced to sit through it once before. My dessert fell on the floor, I proceeded to scrape it off the ashen floor. my lighter ran out of fluid, I lit a match, and then the wind blew it out.
But nothing matters, Let's run down the hill now, and forget that we need to hike back up again. I want to stay here forever. But it isn't an issue, I'll change my mind tomorrow. The bird takes flight, spreading it's wings and soaring into a puffy white cloud. Flecks of sunshine are glittering around it's eyes. The rabbit burrows, and it isn't particularly bothered that it's resting place is dim. The rabbit is hypnotized by the design of cool rust-colored clay intertwined with mud.

And I wish I were waiting in Antioch library during a rainstorm, in October.
And I wish I were wearing a thick tan sweater, a black pencil skirt, black hose, and grey boots, driving and singing a capella "There is a light that never goes out."

Take me out tonight because I want to see people and I want to see life. Driving in your car Oh, please don't drop me home Because it's not my home, it's their
home, and I'm welcome no more.

And if a double-decker bus crashes into us to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die and if a ten-ton truck kills the both of us to die by your side, well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine.

Take me out tonight
Take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
And in the darkened underpass
I thought Oh God, my chance has come at last (But then a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn't ask.)

And I want a flying pony.
And I want a smile that never turns around.
The time has come to understand that things don't change that easily.


Learn to love me, assemble the ways, now, today, tomorrow and always. My only weakness is a listed crime, my only weakness is... well, nevermind, nevermind.
Hand me over, hand me over. My greatest crime is feeling too greatly.
I've tried an angry world instead of a shell. I was bored before it even began.

And I speak in codes, that no one understands, so I am either a lunatic, a genius, or quite simply an eccentric.

And I like picnics...when there is honeydew, cantaloupe doesn't cut it. And I like sunshine, and I like a lot of other fabulous things too.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Loop


Waiting and envisioning captivating exploits, I cued wanderlust. I waited and gave up. I became bored.
Without expecting much I set out.

I'll admit, I'm impressed, but only a pinch.

Monday, September 21, 2009

What more was asked?

I have to say hello to an old friend.

Would someone help me?

Would anyone even consider it?

A fleeting feeling standing on it's own holds up it's chin against the longevity of rationality.

How are such short term feelings ridiculously drawn out?

"I sent my hardened regards instead of love.

Your mild best wishes make me suspicious."

Pretty girls make graves, is a song by The Smiths

And they do...but I have observed, from a distance, the graves they make are quite frequently their own.

" Surprised to still be asking to be left alone? "

The sky was silent, the air stayed still, I assumed nature was bored and didn't feeling like putting on a show for little old me. Yes, the pine branch crackled as I pulled it to the ground, but that doesn't mean nature was the source of the sound. There was a great build up, I could sense it all around me. The air was heavy with humidity. To the movement of my arms, it had the density of sour cream. And then, and then, and then,

Nothing happened.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Spotted Tail.

........................................................................................................................................................................ Well, I wonder.....................................................................................................
Time to go listen to Mazzy Star.
............. I am an
owl ..................................................................................................................................................

Friday, September 11, 2009

For every poison this is an antidote

These songs are everything you wanted to know about me.
I fill my fanciful little head of straw with selections such as these.
I would like to continue my dancing on air and my floating in the shining star clusters within the cosmos. There is no such thing as time. Listen up these are important, they speak volumes about me... good and bad, but mostly bad. It is vital that the music is actually listened to.

Heart and Lungs

From our lives
the land disappears
all that is left is a heart made of tears
from her smile the golden tooth is worn
child your only hope has flown
hold on to this house
all I have left is the only place I've been

it's all heart and lungs
it's not that much fun
it's hard, hard to run
it's not that much fun

Following the heart, smoking substances which fill the lungs are...
Trust me ...('Cause I truly do know,)

Not that much fun. Not that much fun.

The above song went perfectly with small blue shining globes of abandonment which glistened in the moonlight, held within my cupped hand. Foolishness.

Love you all the time
Even though you’re not mine
Love you all the time
Dream I’m in the saltwater

Timing’s gone all bad
Broken faith and a broken way
You couldn’t lose me if you tried
Cause I'll be sleeping by your side, baby

Love you all the time
Even though you’re not mine
Love you all the time
Broken faith and a broken way
I don't feel that commentary is essential for this particular tune.

The beginning of the end,
But the harvest, was my friend.
The nature of that place, sends a sweet smell, around my head.
Oh well. The hardest thing of all,
The heartbreak of our loss. Heartaches all the time.
We were cast out, of everywhere, but not the last time;
The last time I remember, the last time I remember, It was ...
How I want you to know,
How far west I would go.
Hand in hand they’re in love, our loyal days in the snow.
All my toys are dead-Unravelled at the stairs.
Opened but who cares?

This song is named after a place I can't seem to escape.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The trouble with faces is that the expressions can change

A waste of time.
Frozen faces, holding the same expression. There are many kinds of expressions, some of which can be actions.

Some reactions can be bad. Some are played out with the utmost care and set forth a demeanor best befitting an uncomfortable situation.


Expression and reaction are specifically outlined to prevent me from creating a scene.

And the tables turn...I lightly reacted anything else simply wouldn't do for such as I.