Wednesday, December 8, 2010

No Title

You really want to read all of this? I don't know who's crazier me for writing this... or whomever you are for going and reading it... Think about it.

i love my Jenna

As we spent the last night on Maudlin street, goodbye house forever. Love at first sight may sound trite, but it's true you know.

As I glance over...waiting...just breathe again.
The ground is frozen. You don't belong there.
In my lap
Left behind
Every night
Oh I was so selfish then
Always there
Tug at the rug
Self imposed sterile existence
I will be soon
I want you to breathe again
Lift up your head
The way you turned it to face me just before you went away
Head on paw
Stiffened the back I used to rub
Oh I do love you

We're after the same rainbow's end. We were going to see the world together. It was just around the bend. Wake up. Poke your head out from behind the curtain behind me, come look outside. I wish you were soft again. I need you to be with this Place. I wish I were twelve again... because then you'd only be seven. We could run around the yard together again. I'd even let you catch that squirrel this time.

Who am I going to walk with now? I'm sorry I didn't wrap you in a nicer blanket last night. I'm sorry I made you take a bath when you didn't want to. I'm sorry that I trimmed your ear hair. I'm sorry I made you drink that medicine with the old turkey baster. I'm sorry I didn't lay by you more. Most of all I'm sorry that you're gone.

...But I'm still going to the dog bakery to buy your birthday carrot cake this year. Now it really blows that yours is the same day as mine...
We were meant to be.
You weren't supposed to go yet. I don't want to bury you in a couple hours. I want you to stay asleep in your spot... and then wake up after you've gotten plenty of rest, and we'll hop on the couch when mom isn't looking, and then we'll eat all of the carrots we like! and no one will stop us and say that we need to save some for soup. And then we'll spend the rest of the day exploring around outside, and it won't be cold! and ...

I just want more day with you. I wish you would have told me earlier that you were going. I'm sorry I can't come along just yet.

...You've never been anywhere without me before... I wish I could have baked you your favorite dog biscuits one more time. The ones that I make with the heart shaped cookie cutter.

I know I don't have much to go on with this seeing as you're the only dog I ever had, but I think, I know, that you're the sweetest bestest most wonderfulest dog that ever lived. And even if I ever have another dog (for whatever reason...believe me, you'll never be replaced) I won't ever love them the same way I love you (and this is a secret...just in case it happens...which I highly doubt it will... but if it does... it'll have to be secret because we wouldn't want to hurt their feelings) ... I'll always love you more.

Come back Jenna. It's hard seeing you this way.